My dialysis journey begins

Last week I went to pre-dialysis. Acvtually for the past 3 Fridays I've been sat in that clinic waiting to have 6 tubes of blood on each occassion syphoned off.  It turns out my eGFR has decided to go down from 10 to 8 and then to 7.  Dr Hurst said she thought it may be a 'rogue' reading from the lab initially although I didn't believe her, and sure enough it wasn't.

So.  In the past 2 weeks, after what feels like a thousand phonecalls with different departments, nurses, etc, a few days off work feeling awful with the symptoms of renal failure, and urine tests, umpteen blood tests, I am now set right on my path to dialysis.

I honestly don't know how I feel about this, and trust me everyone keeps asking me. I must have been asked by everyone I've spoken to.
I get quite tearful (today is a very tearful day) when I think how my health has deteriorated but I do try to remember how awesome life was when I was fitter,  and that helps.
I'm worried about the practicalities of life on a dialysis machine.  The travelling to the hospital 3 times a week in all weathers, all seasons, battling christmas shopping traffic etc, that worries me. Learning to dialylize my own body worries me but I must admit this also intrigues me as I've always enjoyed knowing about my own physiology.
The thing that worries me most and I'm already getting anxious about is having needles put in my arm on a regular basis and sitting there for 4 hours at a time with blood pumping through tubes strapped to my arm and going into a machine.  I know all this just replicates what's going on inside a healthy body but there's a bloody good reason those tubes are naturally on the inside, seeing everything on the outside is going to freak me out, I know it will.

I could really do with one of them bottle of wine/non-stop talking nights with Mel as I feel a bit lost & alone with it all.  Hari worries about me so I can't talk to him because he will then worry and I'll have his and my worry to cope with.  I need my Lemony to talk to, confide in and get support from.  My other girlies are great, obviously but I do so miss Melanie.  I know she'd give me a gentle verbal slap in just the right places.

Work have been great but it doesn't stop me feeling like a shirker.  Talk about crap timings.  I had a whole year at the pre-dialysis stage where I could have been working but as soon as I get into my stride at a job I enjoy, this happens.  Today is a shit day, I feel crap, dizzy, sick, and my kidneys are hurting like bastards but I would much rather be at work than sat at home feeling like this.

Although the dialysis unit is at Altrincham, I have to have my first 2 sessions at MRI because if anything is going to go wrong, there are more medical staff at MRI!  My sessions are Monday & Wednesday 17th & 19th August (the 19th always sticks in my mind as it was my Nana & Grandad's birthdays) and I'll go on the machine for 2 hours at a time.  I can't eat while on it at first incase I have sickness.  I'll then start at the Altrincham unit from Friday or Saturday.  I've requested afternoon slots on Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays so hopefully I can go to work in the mornings.  Those days of work and dialysis are going to be tiring.  I expect to spend every Sunday from now on sleeping!!

I know the whole thing is a process and there really is no choice.  From what I've read the choice is controlling your diet and waiting until your kidneys pack up and you die.  I don't want to do that.  Its my natural instinct to fight and ultimately conquer.
I AM looking on the whole thing as a challenge; as an adventure.  But it is a bloody terrifying  adventure.  They do say however that what doesn't scare you isn't worth doing....